Are you a Survivor of Child Abuse?

I'm not a survior but my kids are, my eldest daughter was psychologically abused by my wife. It sounds similar to yourself. She handles it now with short contact now and again and is strong enough to ignore her behaviour (alcoholic and provocative). However it has taken her years to get to this stage but it is still difficult. She naturally loves her mum and feels guilty but can't handle her behaviour easily, it upsets her terribly. She has lived away from the area in university and now work since she was 18 and has her own life and friends. So what I'd say to you is your feelings are normal and don't beat yourself up over it. Focus on your own life and when you feel you can handle it see your mother, if you can't don't. Just send a card or something which doesn't end up with you feeling like crap. Its not your fault and you don't have to let traditions spoil your life, take care of yourself and god bless!